兹拉坦曾连续两天旷课，后来这两天被定为双休日

于少谦

关于兹拉坦伊布拉西莫维奇的18个事实 1.当他10岁的时候，兹拉坦决定自己生活。所以他父母得搬到另一所房子 2.兹拉坦比他父母更早之前就失去了童贞 3.有一天，兹拉坦在测谎仪.上做了一个测试。测谎仪承认了一切 4.当兹拉坦年轻时，他的父母常常在晚上害怕的时候睡在他的床上 5.当兹拉坦去你家拜访你时，你就是客人 6.兹拉坦的父亲被称为，“小伊布拉西莫维奇” 7.有一天，兹拉坦闯红灯，警察拦住了他的车。兹拉坦向警方起诉 8.兹拉坦出生时帮助护士 9.兹拉坦从不说谎，事实就是错误所在 10.亚历山大.格雷厄姆.贝尔创建电话时,他已经接到了三个来自兹拉坦的未接电话 11.氧气需要兹拉坦生存 12.兹拉坦不可能心脏病发作。没有什么比攻击兹拉坦更愚蠢的了 13.在学校里，老师们常常举手和兹拉坦交谈 14.有一天，兹拉坦在学校连续两天缺课。后来，这些日子被称为星期六和星期日。 15.有一天，兹拉坦上学迟到了。其他学生因来得太早而受到惩罚 16. 当兹拉坦看着镜子，他什么也没看到，因为只有1个兹拉坦 17.兹拉坦曾经踢过一匹马的下巴。今天这种动物被称为长颈鹿 18.兹拉坦不认为他是野兽，野兽认为他是兹拉坦

新冠得了伊布

这是什么梗啊，不看足球，有没有老哥给科普科普

新冠感染了兹拉坦

泽拉坦40岁的时候加盟了一支俯冲降级区的意甲球队，然后这支球队就开始争冠了。

于二谦

When Zlatan crosses the street, cars look both ways.兹拉坦过马路的时候，车子要小心观察两边Zlatan doesn't have hair on his testicles because hair can't grow on steel兹拉坦的蛋蛋上不长毛，因为钢铁上长不了毛You can't use 'Zlatan' as your password because it is 'too strong'.任何人都无法使用“ZLATAN”做密码，因为这几个字太冲了Zlatan wakes up his alarm clock every morning.每天早上兹拉坦的闹钟会被兹拉坦闹醒Zlatan doesn't make left turns, because everything he does is right.兹拉坦从不左转，因为他所做的一切都是对的（同右转）Zlatan once went skydiving and his parachute failed to open, so he took it back the next day for a refund.兹拉坦有一天去跳伞，结果降落伞失效没打开；第二天兹拉坦带着降落伞去索赔要求退款When Zlatan works out he doesn't get stronger, the machine does.当兹拉坦健身的时候，健身器械会变得更强Zlatan and Superman once had a race. The loser had to start wearing his underwear over his trousers.兹拉坦曾经和超人比赛过一次，赌注是输家必须从此开始内裤外穿Zlatan went to school so he could be studied.兹拉坦去上学是因为他是被学习对象Cameras can't take pictures of Zlatan, nothing takes anything from Zlatan.任何相机都拍不出兹拉坦的照片，没有事物能从兹拉坦那里那走任何东西Zlatan can rip a page out of Facebook .兹拉坦能从脸书上撕下一页书Zlatan once killed two stones with one bird.兹拉坦曾经用一只鸟杀死了两块石头There used to be a street in Sweden named after Zlatan but it had to be changed because nobody crosses Zlatan and lives.瑞典曾经有条街叫兹拉坦，后来不得不改名，因为没有人能活着过那条马路Zlatan was approached to star in Mission Impossible. But he refused because he found the title insulting.兹拉坦曾经被碟中谍导演组相中，但兹拉坦觉得电影的名字对它是一种侮辱所以拒绝了（不可能的任务）

泽拉坦40岁的时候加盟了一支俯冲降级区的意甲球队，然后这支球队就开始争冠了。