reddit史上最佳吐槽贴：黑人大叔科普NBA中骨肉皮的诱惑

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GeneralEle (29级) 楼主 2017-07-17 19:26

reddit史上最佳吐槽贴：黑人大叔科普NBA中骨肉皮的诱惑由 GeneralEle 发表在虎扑篮球·湿乎乎的话题 https://bbs.hupu.com/vote

翻译是真翻不出来黑人英语的那种swag，太搞笑了。英语好的同学建议直接看原文。

https://www.reddit.com/r/nba/comments/1ulxb4/mormon_faith_more_important_to_jabari_parke

现在就来叔给你们唠唠真格的。去给nba球员卖X骚对很多妞来说就是一门正经行当。全明星周末就是她们的超级碗。有一批处于亚文化群的女人一生的目标就是找一个nba球员打一炮之后美滋滋怀个孕，甚至被迎娶过门。（运气好的话还可以获得属于自己的真人秀，这就等于骨肉皮金球奖了）。这就是她们人生的终极任务，值得手术刀般的严谨与认真。所以说实话，我理解为什么霍华德这样的有8个私生子。我甚至还奇怪，就以这帮女人前仆后继的往上贴的架势，为什么他们没有更多的小baby。

要明白，这些妞可不是你身边的那帮浓妆艳抹修修牙就上街撩汉的妹子，这帮妞是职业干这个的。你有没有看着instagram上的那帮网红撸管，跟自己说“我tm要把这个妞干怀孕”？有吧？现在再设想一下，要是你不是一个饥渴的抠脚大汉，而ins上网红级别的妞上了你的JB就不肯下车，小伙你手中摸着那么多屁股会不知所措的。而这就是nba球员的生活。

这些妞都能干出来趁你不注意把套套扎个眼的事（不过今天她们甚至都不用这么做，只要告诉对面的大汉我吃药了，祈祷中X出的渴望能战胜他心中的理智）。从了的球员都是傻B，就这种妞简直太好看透了。这就是打着性X爱旗号的一场骗局，上当了的球员只能赖他们自己。

现在的年轻小伙都不懂。你要知道，很多的nba球员刚进联盟的时候甚至都不够能喝酒的年龄（美国21岁以下禁止购买酒精），他们还是孩子，一直到大学都是被宠着呵护着。突然他们有一天入社会了，口袋里美钞一大把一大把的，然后还有各式各样的美女想要脱掉他们的裤子。拿到合同前，还在念书的时候，他们也只是潜力新秀。那时候是能吸引女性，但是他们的成功并不是板上钉钉的。但在开始赚钱以后，五花八门的，能让路人看了流口水的美女开始不断送上门，你觉得这是意外吗？

这些孩子不懂的是，一旦入了社会，性就成为一桩生意，对jb主体和jb受体都是一样。甚至对我们普通人来讲，钱也是性生活中很重要的一部分。不管你长得多帅，钱也是相当重要滴。（叔给你们来点贴心小提示，要是你们发达了，千万别去干穷B，真的，千万别。要是真的鬼迷心窍了的话，电话号码换了，搬去其他的城市，去这些穷B去不起的地方。她们会毁了你生命中的所有！不管这帮穷的叮当响的女人有多漂亮，你一定去找有点资本的女人。卡戴珊也行啊。她蠢得一B，可能都不识字，但是她有钱，真要离婚的话也不会分走你太多东西。找一个能跟你共同分担经济压力的女人）

每个蛋蛋都是明码标价的，这个道理霍华德们不懂。保守估计，霍华德每年要为他孩子的妈妈付6位数的抚养费（你tm喂孩子金子啊？一年10万美元抚养费？我养我整个家族六个来回都够了。孩子只需要1能玩的东西，2能给他们擦屁股的大人），这些抚养费比我们大多数人这辈子挣得钱的多，有正经学位也一样。18年，18年，她有了你的孩子，她就吃定你18年（Kanye West “gold digger”（傍大款）的歌词）

我认为，每一个公民，不管你是不是nba球员，都要搞明白离婚法，尤其要是你有钱还爱乱搞的话。乱搞还不带套不是吗？山姆大叔会掏空你的家产，让你老来望b空流泪。管好你的裤裆！

孩子们啊，年轻天真的时候要是你们相信爱情的纯真，还有那些迪士尼灌输给你们的自由派嬉皮士思想，长大以后一个大屁股一个微笑就能让你们沦陷。

叔不跟你们闹笑。

不过说实话，我甚至都不能对她们感到生气。大多情况下，这些女孩不是最聪明的那些人你懂我意思吧？高级别的专业人士或者类似的职业跟她们八竿子打不着。你很少见到有博士学位的女人被nba球员搞大肚子吧？因为她们不需要啊。这些人有大脑，有技术，有健全人格，这些元素都是大多骨肉皮们缺少的东西。这些妞要是不被哪个大款搞大肚子，一般都会一直在快餐店干到四十岁。

长期来看，这是她们最好的人生道路选择。什么厨子做什么菜嘛。要是你长的好看，但笨的跟蠢驴似的，而且你内心里也明白这一事实，那你就得充分利用起来你的优势。读不太懂书，不知道一些高难词汇，不知道非洲是大陆而不是一个国家，这些都不能阻挡你成为一成天叨逼叨的富有的bitch。一些女性可能比你多个博士学位，是个律师，但是你能让勒布朗詹姆斯30秒内就上天啊，都不用手的。有法律学位证书又咋样啊？她b能像你似的开核桃吗？技术就是技术，不分贵贱。相比有一份朝九晚五的工作，我宁愿舔jb，在jb上玩360度大螺旋、后滚翻。大多数人只能干朝九晚五的工作是因为没人给她们钱扑上一个个jb。

就像Pimp C说的那样 “三百六十行行行出状元”。这些妞有一套生存法则，我并不对此感到生气。我们都会利用别人去得到自己想要的东西。她们可是把自己的肉体奉献在剥削别人的行当中，这甚至都应该获得褒奖。我的意思是，我们大多数人都会坐在办公桌后不为人知地剥削别人，但是这些女人愿意直面被剥削的人当面勒索。这种拉皮条还是要高一档次的。

无数伟大国度都应中X出而陷落。

原作者修改: 我看到我的这个帖子上了今日精华，还有/theredpill（一个比较歧视女性的板块）这个令我非常不安的垃圾板块。在你们这些这辈子没上过女人的傻B们想要称我为王之前我需要澄清一些事。我的这番吐槽对象并不能在任何程度上代表女性。我只是在说一个很小非常小的少数亚文化群。我永远不会认为所有女人，我甚至都不会说大部分女人，都在那卖身，都在收集富人的精子。女人依然是母亲，姐妹，妻子。我的帖子的意图并不是要黑女人。相反而是要批判女人不得不受困于其中的金钱和经济（这都是由男人创造的）。女人并不是生来就想诱惑男性，而是因为男人太他妈蠢了。骗子男女都有。如果男人能被希拉里上一炮就能过上18年无忧无虑的生活，白宫外会有一大长串饥渴的男人排队撅着屁股等着希拉里的宠幸。尽管我吐槽这些hoe，我依然以尊重我自己家人的方式尊重他们，因为她们确实有一些是我的家人。我知道theredpill板块是什么玩意，一帮酸溜溜、迷茫、得不到b操的自恋的家伙。你们太可悲了。不要因为自己没钱，只能望着网上的b空流泪就想对女人宣战。这是你们自己的问题。想要怪女人造成了你们今天的窘境就好比怪电子游戏导致校园暴力。

I'm just speaking on some real shit. The NBA hoe game is a literal profession for a lot of chicks. All Star Weekend is their Super Bowl. There's literally an entire subculture of women who's main objective is to fuck/get pregnant from/marry an NBA player (if you're lucky you might even get a reality show; that's like the Balon D'Or for basic bitches). Like that's their life mission, and they execute that shit with stunning precision. So honestly, I can understand how someone like Dwight Howard has 8 illegitimate kids. I'm surprised these guys don't have more the way the girls are on them.

These ain't your regular gapped tooth shoeless running make up dive dar basic bitches either, these hoes is professionals. You ever see them girls on Instagram that are so bad that you just be thinkin to yourself like "man I'd get that shit pregnant fuck it". Okay, imagine if you weren't just a thirsty nigga on Instagram and hoes of that caliber were on your dick 24/7. You wouldn't know what to do with all that booty. That's the NBA.

These the "poke a hole in the condom" type chicks (these days they don't even have to do that, you just convince the dude that you're on the pill and hope that the prospect of going raw is more enticing than common sense). But the players that do that are stupid, you can spot a thot a mile away. So honestly its just pretty much mostly the players' fault for getting caught up in an obvious con game in the name of getting laid.

these young bucks don't know. You gotta remember a lot of these NBA players aren't even old enough to drink when they get in the league; they're still babies. They've been coddled their entire life, all through school and college, and now they get out in the real world with a pocket full of cash and every type of girl you could imagine trying to pull your sweatpants off. See, before you got that contract, while you were in school, you were just a prospect. You probably got a lot of attention from women, but your success wasn't a guarantee. Once you start pulling in them bucks, the type of women you encounter drastically change. Straight up jaw droppers wherever you turn. That's not an accident.

These kids don't understand that once you're in the real world, sex becomes a business move, for both parties. Even for us mortals, money is a big factor in your sex life. I don't care who you are, you know that shit is important. (Protip from Uncle Snuggie: if you got money, just don't fuck broke bitches. Just don't, change your phone number if you have to. Move to the other side of the country to somewhere broke bitches cant afford to go. They will ruin everything I don't care how pretty they are get a bitch with some capital. That's real shit. Get a Kim Kardashian. She stupid and probably can't read but she got money and won't take that much from you in divorce proceedings because of that. Be with someone who can throw in the pot too.)

The Dwight Howard's of the world don't understand that there's a price tag hanging off his nutsack. Dwight Howard is easily shelling out 6 figures a year per baby mama. (The fuck you need 100k a year to raise a baby? I could raise my whole hood 6 times with that kind of paper all babies need is somethin to rattle and someone to wipe they ass) That's more money than most of us will ever make in our lives, even those of us with professional and graduate degrees. 18 years, 18 years, she got one of yo kids, got you for 18 years.

I think every citizen, NBA or not, should know how divorce/family laws work, especially if you ever fuck around and get paid. You find out how much Uncle Sam will take out of your pocket cause you wanted to fuck raw and it'll turn you into a nun; keep your dick on a leash kid.

When you're young and b7nsd if you believe in shit like the purity of "love" and all that other liberal hippie crap Disney shoves down your throat as a child you can fall victim to a big butt and a smile quite easily.

That's real shit

But honestly, I can't even really be mad at them girls. Most of the time these girls really don't be the brightest crayons in the box if you know what I'm sayin. It's not like these hoes is high level professionals or anything like that most of the time. You rarely see some chick with a PhD or something getting knocked up by an NBA player, because they don't need to. Them hoes got brains, and skills, and personalities, and all that shit that the average groupie probably struggles with. It's mostly girls who, if they didn't get pregnant, would be working at Hooters well into their 40's.

This is their best life prospect long term; you gotta go with what you got. So if you got a lot of looks, but not a lot of brain, and you're self aware of that, use what you got. Just because you ain't book smart, or you don't know big words, or you don't know Africa is a Continent and not a Country, that don't mean you still can't be a rich bitch talkin shit. Okay so maybe little smarty pants over there is a Doctor or a Lawyer or whatever but you can make Lebron James nut in under 30 seconds without even using your hands. She got a Law Degree but you can crack a walnut with your pussy. Skills are skills, doesn't matter what they are. I'd much rather get paid to suck dick, do 360 spins on the dick, do backflips on the dick, jump off the top rope and stone cold stunner dicks all day, rather than have a real job. You only have a real job because nobody is willing to pay you tens and thousands of dollars to jump on their dick.

Like Pimp C said, "Get it how you live". These hoes is gettin it how they live, so on some pimp shit I ain't even mad. We all use people to get what we want; all of us. If anything these girls should be commended for putting their bodies on the line in the name of exploitation of other people. I mean, most of us sit behind a desk and exploit people but these girls are willing to get right into a person's face and lie to them and extort them. That's some next level pimpin.

raw pussy has crumbled nations

edit: I see this post got crossposted to /r/bestof, but more disturbingly /r/theredpill, and let me tell you trenchcoat wearing neckbeards something before yall try to crown me the king of you dry dick mother fuckers. For all the colossal shitting I just did on hoes in this post, this is not in any way representative of the female population at large. I'm simply speaking on a small, super super small, minority subculture. I would never imply or suggest that all women, not even a majority, are out here throwin the pussy like a boomerang hoping to catch some rich dude sperm. I still put ladies above everything. That's still your mama, that's still your sister, that's still the mother of your children. This post is not meant to be critical of women; rather, its meant to be critical of money and the economy (created by dudes) that women are forced to live in. It's not because women are manipulative, its because men are fucking retarded, I stated that from the jump. Cons come in all genders, if men could get a cozy 18 year stipend from fucking Hillary Clinton there would be a line of thirst wrapped around the white house. Even though I shits on these hoes, I still respect them like they my own family, because they are. I'm familiar with TRP, yall the most salty, confused, sexually depraved group of misogynistic no pussy gettin dudes I ever seen, that's real. Ain't no need to start a war on women cause you ugly and you ain't got no money and you fell for the sweet smell of that vaginal lining. That's on you dude; blaming the pussy for this is like blaming video games for school violence. At some point you took the stupidity into your own hands. That ain't the wave yall

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这些回帖亮了

GeneralEle 楼主 2017-07-17 20:16 亮了(1059)

引用9楼 @从不回头看队友爆炸发表的:
想多了勒布朗这方面做的是比较完美的和格洛丽亚的感情好的很
原文只是句吐槽罢了～

大哥你是故意的吗

格洛里亚是他妈

萨瓦娜才是他老婆

LRY0107 2017-07-17 19:41 亮了(430)

我看着手里的法律学位证书陷入了沉思
发自手机虎扑 m.hupu.com

无zaza不冠军 2017-07-17 19:49 亮了(446)

引用7楼 @痞子阿杜发表的:
好文
勒布朗只有30秒吗？？？？？

勒布朗的快攻无人能挡

李明烨科比 2017-07-17 19:36 亮了(381)

有法律学位证书又咋样啊？她b能像你似的开核桃吗？技术就是技术，不分贵贱。相比有一份朝九晚五的工作，我宁愿舔jb，在jb上玩360度大螺旋、后滚翻。大多数人只能干朝九晚五的工作是因为没人给她们钱扑上一个个jb。

这句话真是特么的面对世间万比，大彻大悟的感觉………
发自虎扑体育iPhone客户端

marsnono0558 2017-07-17 19:53 亮了(231)

这文章应该配着BGM读。。。
The Next Episode-snoop Dogg/Dr.Dre

看完原作者修改这段。。。真的惊呆了。。。

这老兄三观正的出奇啊。。。尤其他对直男癌吐槽的那段。。真的精辟。。。

干过水龙头 2017-07-17 20:23 亮了(191)

不知道没有人记得，13还是15年的时候，有个人在选秀会场外冒充自己被首轮25顺位被选中，然后马上在会场外掳走了两个妹子。那些妹子甚至连参选的人不知道，还是个首轮末。

拉风的三不沾 2017-07-17 19:43 亮了(198)

说的还真是入木三分，其实咱们国内也有类似的圈子，海天盛筵不就是这么回事么
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GeneralEle 楼主 2017-07-17 19:27 亮了(146)

网友评论：
[–][BOS] Tom Heinsohnanimal_crackers 1752 指標 3 年前
I am learning so much.
我学到了太多太多

[–]Spurs Bandwagonthisguy012 1161 指標 3 年前
If he writes something, I want to read it.
这老哥写的所有东西我都想看。

[–]luvesdoges 569 指標 3 年前
I just realized how insignificant small grammatical errors are to a good write up. No wonder these black guys get all the women, I'm just a boy in a world of men.
我才意识到，语法错误对于一篇好的文章来说是多么的不值一提。难怪黑人这么受女人欢迎，我只不过是男人世界中的一个小男孩啊。

[–][LAL] Kobe Bryantundercoverbrutha 421 指標 3 年前
It's true. When you look like anthony "unibrow" davis, and a fucking beauty comes around trying to get at your dick, it is kind of hard to resist. Those players are shooting money out there dick and women are just dying to collect it into their pussy so they can grow a money tree in their belly.
他说的没错。当你长得像安东尼·一字眉·戴维斯一样，然后美女都争先恐后的想上你，这是很难拒绝。他们射的不是精子，是金钱。那些骨肉皮像沙漠里的行人看见绿洲一般往b里塞那白花花又绿油油的东西，摇钱树便在她们的肚子里生根发芽。